Meat is the New Bread

Perhaps you've heard of the new KFC "sandwich", the Double Down. Since we do not have television this beast remained unknown to me until about two weeks ago when at lunch my boss asks me, "Have you seen the ads for that new sandwich that has chicken instead of bread?" to which I quite obviously replied, "What?! No! I can't believe it's finally come down to that". He was determined to have one and I said good luck sir, that doesn't seem like anything a sane person would want to ingest. A week or so passed, he had one (unfortunately while I went home for lunch one day so I didn't see it) and remarked that it was pretty good. I didn't think much more of it until I saw this dreaded concoction appearing on some of the food blogs I read.

Turns out KFC is testing the sandwich in two test markets: Omaha and Providence, RI. Well, that changed my opinion of the thing. If there was a chance that I may never be able to eat a sandwich with deep fried chicken cudgels surrounding two types of chees, two strips of bacon and "Colonel Sauce" in the name of science I simply had to try it. And on a more socially conscious note I figured there would be some sort of survey accompanying the thing where I could do my part to make sure it never sees a wide release.

It was all over the KFC on 84th and Harrison, the marquee spoke of it, there were signs in the windows and a humongous picture of it was on the menu. $4.99 for just the sandwich or $6.99 for the combo which included fries and a drink. Not a bad deal considering you are more than likely getting an entire days worth of fat, calories, sodium and probably a host of other things from it (KFC has not released nutritional data ranging from KFCs "estimates" of 590 cal and 31g of fat to an independant lab which suggests it has more than 1500 cals and over 80g of fat). I decided a combo would be a bit much and just went with the sandwich. Sure enough when they handed me the bag accompanying it was a piece of paper with an internet address where I could fill out a survey and then recieve a $10 gift certificate to KFC. Great I thought, I can buy 3 or 4 of their death bowls for that on my way to the hospital after this sandwich!

When I got back to work a hush fell over the lunch room, apparently word had spread that I was going to get a sandwich with chicken instead of bread and people were anxious to see. Inside of its cardboard house I found the thing wrapped in a protective wax paper sleeve to prevent chicken bits from getting all over your hands. It's got some heft to it, which should be an indication to anyone that when something that is relatively compact weighs that much it can not be good for you. I took my first bite and it tasted exactly like you would imagine that unholy combination of things to taste. Pretty god damn good. My two complaints, other than the obvious "why the hell would you unleash a sandwich with chicken instead of bread on an already obese and addicted to fast food nation" were that the sauce is too salty and oddly enough there wasn't enough bacon. If we're going all out, lets go all out people. My bacon was cowering somewhere near the back and could barely be tasted over the salty sauce and chicken. Needless to say I ate the whole thing much to the horror and amusement of my co-workers.

I was feeling pretty good too, I wasn't so full that it was painful and I didn't appear to be having any stomach distress. Until about 2pm, then I was struck with the most intense food borne tiredness and sluggishness I have ever experienced. Getting through those last 2 hours of work was a chore unlike any other, all I wanted to do was sleep. And sleep I did, immediately upon getting home I crashed for about 45 minutes after which I by no means felt good, but at least the tiredness was gone.

When it came time to let KFC have it on their survey I was very much angered by the message I recieved. "Thank you but we've gotten all the feedback we need for this product". Damnit! If anything that will at least prevent me from eating at KFC again for a long time since I won't have $10 to burn.

Has our society come to a point where we can allow a 1500 calorie sandwich to be readily available for 5 bucks? Is this worse than any of the mega sandwiches at fast food joints? We are a nation of gluttons and I guess the only thing we should be shocked about is that it has taken someone this long to come up with the concept.